Why am I doing this blog!

 

 I am really nervous about writing this post, but it is a way of processing things as of late.

 

This is the Bondy people know!

So, in my main last blog post I gave an introduction about myself and give you an insight into what I get up to.  I decided my next post would be about way I have now decided to do this blog and create my own little space in this vast blogger-sphere.  Many people only tend to see me as this happy, outgoing, and bubbly character.  Whilst only a few close people know the real person that is ME.  As in all people that is the case I believe.  There are several reasons I am doing this blog, and many are for personal reasons which in time you will find out about if you keep following, but I never want to use it as a form of personal gratification or blowing my own trumpet as some people will say.  In no ways is this blog looking for sympathy or attention seeking.  I want to this blog to be not just personal but also a way of challenging the stigma and stereotyping of mental health conditions, learning difficulties and other things through my own personal experiences.  You are probably thinking why not just write it in a diary or journal.  I do, but only I get to read that, and I feel doing this blog could help others or even challenge the norm.  The blog will also be documenting things I love doing as well.

 

I need to find an outlet and find a way to deal and process my feelings, thoughts, and emotions.  I have real difficulty with this as I have been recently diagnosed with Disassociation Disorder.  After finding out I had this disorder, I felt very confused but the nurses who did the mental health assessment were fabulous and let me get out what I was holding deep inside.  They could see that I wanted to cry as my eyes were watering, but no tears would come out.  They could see I was also wanting to get angry, but I just sat there talking to them as if I was out with some friends.  I never heard of this disorder before, but from what they told me the saying that many people use ‘To let it all out’, I physical can’t.  Since a child, I have never really reacted emotionally to anything that was happening around me, and at times I just react to things involuntary.  When this happens, it’s always feels that I am not in control of my body, but I am just a passenger. I never known the reason why this happens and often if people are trying to get my attention, they often think I am being rude or ignorant.  I am not.  I may not have realised you are there, or the driver just won’t let me respond.

I also have depression and anxiety which goes hand in hand with this disorder, but it all relates to trauma.  For now, I won’t go into the details, but I have been living with this trauma for a very long time and even though my teenage and young adult years were quite turbulent, I learned all the bad techniques and behaviours in dealing with this trauma. I turned to alcohol and drugs; I also was also self-harming a lot too.  During this time, my family and friends were so supportive and caring.  They put up with me and saw that there was a person under that facade.

 

Now roll on 20 years, my life has been quite a rollercoaster, but it had come crashing down again as my marriage ended badly and I was isolated away in Ebbw Vale away from my family and friends, but I kept positive that I will get home.  Fast forward to the present and my health has deteriorated, and I am not the active person I used to be who was running around at conventions or working 72 hours a week in a care home.  I can now manage walking to town to do a bit of shopping.  So, I am mostly staying at home.  So as the professionals put it, there is a lot of negative stressors all going on around me and they can’t believe how I am physically functionim, but that down to the amazing family, boyfriend and friends around me.  Even though many do not know what is going on, they are there for me no matter what.  Even though all my friends seem miles aways, I know they are there for me no matter what and I am there for them to. 

 

So, moving forward, I know I must deal with the trauma and some of you know that I have started intensive counselling for this to re-learn the positive behaviours and techniques for myself and not the professional me who worked in the field.  This what makes us the worst types of patients who accesses mental health services, as we know what the counsellors or therapist will say.  So, I need to take a major step back and ask for the help as I know now is the right time to do it.

 

So, this blog for me is a therapeutic way of me dealing with this and it gives me a focus to channel how I am feeling or what is venting up inside.  So, if you got to the bottom of this post, I do applaud you, as I have said a lot about myself that many will not know.  Please I do ask just to treat me like you always have done as this is a journey for me too.  If you are intrigued like me about things, I have provided links to Mind about Trauma, Stress, Depression, and Anxiety etc.  So please take a look.

Live Long and Prosper

 

Bondy

Welcome to the crazy world of Bondy!

Hi there and welcome to my blog.  So I thought I start a post to introduce myself. Well here we go.  My name is John or Bondy to my friends.  I live in a wee place called Ebbw Vale in South Wales, but originally I am a Cardiff Girl through and through.  I am 38 years old and I use the pronouns he/him/they.  I am also a gay man and have been in an amazing relationship with someone special for over a year.  

 

 

No that is not my boyfriend in the picture but it is of me and Noah Averbach-Katz who played Ryn in Star Trek: Discovery Season 3. I have a wide variety of interests but I love to volunteer at film and comic conventions, where I have met loads of actors and even got to spend the day with some! Enough about that though, that can be another blog post.  As you may tell in the picture is that I am quite the geek and love many shows and film franchise.  My main obsessions are Star Trek, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Stargate, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Power Rangers, and Pokemon.  As any glorifed geek, I am into way much more than that too 😁😁😁.

 

I have also had a wide varied career and I have worked in bar work as a glass collector working up to bar men in Club X and Detox & Addiction in Cardiff.  I quite the jobs and had a really bad time with my mental health and also had an addiction to drugs.  I had some amazing friends around me who helped me and I got into a Personal Development Programme with a charity called Fairbridge De Cymru.  I had support and has some amazing opportunities.  I got to run with Prince William in the Sport Relief Mile and also sail around Scotland on a Victorian Schooner called the 'Spirit of Fairbridge'.  

 

 

 

 

I worked as a Youth & Community worker in Cardiff and helped set up it first LGBT youth group called Loud & Proud.  The youth group went onto to working with Cardiff-Wales LGBT Mardi Gras to start the first Youth & Family zone at any Pride Event in the UK. I also become the Youth Officer and trustee for Cardiff Mardi Gras between 2009 and 2012.  The youth and family area went to become a successful part of the event and worked with many partners like Cardiff Youth Service, Cardiff Women's Aid, ASH Wales and Boulders. During this period with support from Cardiff Youth Service I was able to obtain a Bachelor of Arts in Youth & Community Work at Cardiff Meteropolitan University.  My dissertation that explore how Section 28 of the Local Government Act (1988) impact on Youth Work with young people was picked to present at the BERA Youth and Education Special Interest Group in 2012 and was published on the Youth Work Wales website. 

 

After another bout of unemployment due to my ongoing mental health concerns, I became a care worker in a care home in cardiff.  I worked with residents who mainly had a diagnosis with dementia.  I worked with the orgranisation across two homes and I became the Senior Supervisor in charge of the care team.  I loved working at the two homes and met some incredible people.  Me being me, the outgoing person, I used to dress up as Santa at the christmas party or as a zombie nun at Halloween.  I completed my management qualification and it peaked my interest in doing doing a Masters degree in Dementia Studies at the University of Stirling.  After 3 years of working 72+ hours a week I managed to pass the course with a Merit and I attended my delayed graduation in 2022.  As the Stirling Colours are green, I could not resist getting a Slytherin student cosplay a go and I actually carried my wand across the stage too. 

So me being the typical me, I made the step into further studies and started a PhD in Dementia Studies and my focus of my research is about 'What it means to be a Gay Man with Dementia in the UK'. There will be further posts about my PhD, as I unfortunately have had to take an extended leave of abscence due to my health and I have also become an unpaid fulltime carer for my mum.  So the PhD has to take a backseat, but it has not stopped me carrying on with my reading.  

So if you have made it this far, I salute you.  This just gives you an overview of who I am, but further posts will be probably about whatever is on my mind, or I may have to do a blog post for one my of the many product testing sites I am on.  

I am hoping to do a post weekly if time alllows, but thank you for having a nose at my life.

Thanks

Bondy out!